What Drives Me? A big mistake, a misunderstanding and one little meany.

Ok I'm loving this blogging journey. It's my therapy, my debrief, my quiet time away from designing and manufacturing.

I thought I'd share with you what drives me to keep learning, growing and why I'm refusing to breathe life into old wounds by spending a moment more thinking about it (well, after this blog).

"This blog is my goodbye blog."

Goodbye to second guessing myself, stressing over what's said or how my intentions are interpreted. It's goodbye to the negativity, the person who damaged me and GOOD RIDDANCE to the hidden competition of the cookie world.

There's no place for that in my life! There never has been. I choose kindness and I hope you do too.

It feels weird to tell this story because I've truly moved on, but posting a reel today with a certain song really stirred up some emotions for me that I want to get rid of once and for all.

My cookie journey has been one of learning, and I absolutely love it, BUT sometimes things don't always go as you plan. I have learnt some tough lessons out there and you don't always get to see them on Instagram, but they do happen and if this has happened to you, I just want you to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

You can get through it. It does hurt for a little bit (over 12 months if I'm honest), but I'm still here and this one experience in particular has been my biggest driver....so

"Thank you to my one little meany."

Because Kindness Matters...Always

So here goes...the catalyst to my "it's ok to forgive yourself attitude".

In February of 2024, I thought of myself as still a baby in this industry - finding my feet as a designer and manufacturer in the cookie world.

I was nervous, I was still new and acutely aware of sharing the platform with some incredibly talented people.

I had my idols, my absolute faves who I looked up to and even shared online relationships with. I received fabulous support from the industry and I am so grateful that they were all so welcoming.

And then it all went wrong!

Being new-ish to Instagram, I still hadn't worked out the ins and outs of how everything worked and this whole followers/following thing didn't seen significant to me. I really didn't realise that it's a HUGE thing apparently. The who's following who, the whose not following you and vice versa.

Apparently it's a deal breaker. I still don't understand this mindset and I hopefully never will.

Anyway, I digress, back to the story. In my wisdom (absolute stupidity upon reflection), I decided that I didn't want to be influenced by all of the beautiful things I was seeing out there, and that's hard, because we all gain our ideas and creativity from somewhere right?

"Try as we might... sometimes it's hard not to be influenced by others."

So I blindly unfollowed (temporarily), a few of my faves, the ones I always had popping up in my feed. The ones who inspired me to chase this dream. You know where this is headed, don't you?

For disaster...that's where!

BIG MISTAKE!

Apparently there's a mute button. A freaking MUTE BUTTON! With my hand on my heart, I honestly did not know you could mute an account. I thought I was just taking steps to ensure I was just coming up with my own designs without being influenced by all of the beautiful things out there. My intention was a break - a pause to concentrate on my own designs. But this was met with a wrath I did not expect!

After my favourite account hiatus, I went back in to follow my faves and yep you guessed it, one had BLOCKED me. And according to my tech savvy children, by unfollowing (in my mind, having a little break) I had performed the ultimate Instagram insult.

And because I'm an even bigger idiot than I thought, I commented on being blocked in a Post. IDIOT!!

"Enter my one little meany."

Quickly I received a DM, a kind of passive one really which basically said, "I'm reaching out on behalf of a friend - well the friend doesn't know I'm messaging you - but yes, you are a horrible person who has caused 'insurmountable hurt' by unfollowing this one particular account."

I was devastated, crushed. I was in disbelief as this absolutely was not my intention. To think that I had upset someone like this was horrible. I really couldn't explain my intentions enough. I felt like my message had been completely misinterpreted. But alas, my one little meany continued on her "You're a horrible person" mission.

The messages went on to say that by unfollowing this particular account I had "knocked another woman in business down."

This hurt the most. All of my life, both in corporate positions and through roles in the community, I have been a champion for all women. It's my passion, my drive. I felt completely crushed.

"It kept me up at night."

BUT it was my own fault and I own it

Because regardless of me stupidly thinking you could just unfollow and refollow no dramas, I had hurt someone. Not my one little meany (she's a toughie), but another person in the industry who I obviously had looked up to.

I learnt a valuable lesson in this, well many actually.

But the most important one was this-

"We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions".

So here we are, 18 months down the track and I can safely say I've thought about this way too many times. I punished myself, I cried about it...ridiculous. But I did. I just didn't know how to fix it.

And then I just let it go.

Because I needed to. Because I knew I meant no harm (even though I did cause harm) and I needed to forgive myself to be able to keep going.

I could see my one little meany following my every move, seeing my stories and never commenting so I did the thing I was most afraid to do.

I hit THE button, you know the one we don't speak of that starts with a B and ends in a K and said GOODBYE to the trauma of this whole experience.

But then something wonderful happened.

I grew, I challenged myself in ways I never thought were possible.

I stopped worrying about how the world saw me or the decisions I had made and I just became me.

So thank you to my one little meany. You taught me some invaluable lessons.

You broke me for a little while, but you helped build my brand, my creative spark. You strengthened my direction and helped me to really showcase what Vintage Sugarcraft by Catherine is all about. Kindness and Community.

Whilst I'll be forever sorry for the hurt I caused, I am totally grateful for having made mistakes, learnt tough lessons and come out the other side.

Moral of the story

"Learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself and grow."

Oh and the song that sparked this Blog...Kill 'Em With Kindness, by Selena Gomez.